Local Man Wondering Why His Mom Is So Stingy

Local Man, earning just enough to pay the bills and to put himself through school, finds himself exhausted by the pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps American spirit. “I don’t mind when other people work hard,” he claimed. “It’s just not something I can sustain, you know? I think I deserve some things.”

City on the Hill

After asking for clarification, he shared the story of his great-grandparents; they were English migrants following the church westward to Utah, setting up a farm, and fighting their neighbors for water. They insisted on forming a city on the hill for the world to see and admire, which had to have the nice side effect of making sure that their children would (spiritually and economically) be a step up from everybody else.

Their crumbling headstones read, “Prepare yourselves to follow me.” Local Man saves a photo of those headstones on his phone.

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(Digital Drawing by hawk862, found on DeviantArt)

Great Depressive Episode

Local Man’s grandfather was a bad-ass businessman. He earned his fortune by tooth and nail and grandpapi’s small loan, leaving it to most of his children. He (metaphorically) cut throats and withheld affection from the kiddos, and would scold them for throwing anything away. Local Man never saw the man cry, and he knows his mom probably didn’t either.

Mom, on the other hand, struggles to adhere to her papi’s econo-bad-assery. She only gave love to Local Man, and the city on the hill seemed to deflate when she decided to be an artist. “She’s pretty selfish, when I think about it,” Local Man says.

When I asked Local Man’s Mom, she told me, “That type of optimism ain’t in my wheelhouse. I love Local Man. He’s a good son. But I just can’t sink my life into him, you know? He’s gotta make his own way.”

Time for a Little Feud

“Y’know, some parents try to make their children’s lives better,” Local Man countered. “Tell her that. When I’m a parent, it’s what I’ll do. I’ll understand that my kids deserve my money. That’s the American Dream, you know.”

Your journalist nodded and stammered something about forwarding on an email, or something.


Salt Lake Hip Hop: Agustist King

On September 13th, Hip Hop Drip DJs StavoSteelo and KyleInPlay had the pleasure of interviewing the up-and-coming SLC rapper Agustist King. King is a Salt Lake City native, hailing from the Central City neighborhood. He reps his own label called Independent Money Gang.

King has been seriously rapping for the last two years. He has recorded over 200 songs and released more than 50 of those. He works on numerous projects and releases them on all streaming services. Some of his projects include West Coke, Valentine’s Day Massacre, and Nirvana.

The Interview

Agustist King had much to say about his life, music, and reasons why he raps. However, those are only a few of the topics discussed in this 30 minute interview. It’s chock full of interesting content from a rapper that’s as real as he says he is.

Click the link below to listen to our interview with Agustist King. Be sure to follow him on his social media accounts @agustistking (instagram) and @agustistk (twitter). If you like what you hear, check out his website agustistking.com and Soundcloud. His Spotify and Apple Music profiles can be found searching his name, Agustist King.

Listen to the Hip Hop Drip radio show every weekday from 4-7pm to get your daily fix of quality hip hop from local Utah artists and the biggest stars in the game right now.

Songs from interview:

“Park Place Carter (Fiyah)” – Agustist King

“Off The Scale” – Agustist King

“Down” – Agustist King

Judiciary Candidate Cries Over Pen

After pulling out his calendar from high school, tearfully mentioning how his dad taught him how to keep his schedule in order, everyone knew the candidate stood a chance against the composed, chilling account of his accuser.

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(1982 Calendar Entries, CNN*)

The prosecutor remained silent and silenced.

The session ended, and certain senators held back tears over his incredible performance. “Should we send him flowers? As a boost? He certainly was…pleasing,” murmured the senator from Utah to his compatriot from South Carolina.

Emotions Run High After Hearing

“This is the pen that”–the candidate stopped, a lump in his throat, “I will use to sign my contract when this left-wing conspiracy is inevitably swept under the rug.” The left-wing conspiracy, as it turns out, goes by the virulent name of feminism.

It’s a word that must be growled, spat, and mumbled. A more reserved phrase, perhaps, is “decency”. Or simply the understanding that women deserve to have control over their own bodies in multiple settings, whether it be a medical clinic or, even, as the candidate pushed out through sobs, “P–PJ’s parties.” It’s truly a horrific scheme, propagated by women for millennia who can’t seem to understand their bodies are not their own.

“This pen,” the candidate repeated, his voice wavering, “is not only emblematic of the official codification of a figure who’s shown demonstrable hatred toward women ascending to the highest levels of government”–again–“but of my family. And me.

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The Pen

This pen, your journalist noted, was leaking ink all over his hand, and had left an unsightly purple stain in his breast pocket that he had failed to notice. It was a disposable ballpoint. This tiny tool of violence against women, like the candidate himself, can be found anywhere and be replaced easily. The only difference is one, however, seems to have a penchant for weeping.

So your journalist, unable to contain herself, snatched the pen from his hand. With security on her tail and her briefcase abandoned, she sprinted away into the sunset, and was promptly fired.

After hearing about this incident, the president seemed unconcerned. “We’ll just find another one.”