Dear Agent X,

Your mission is to read this blog article. This message will self-destruct in 5 Seconds. Poomf!

Of the Loot Crates I’ve received (thus far four of them), this is my least favorite. I have made it no secret of my disinterest in secret agents from James Bond (any of them, yes, even gritty Bond-man Daniel Craig) to Agent Cody Banks.

One of my favorite youtubers, Vintage Beef, did an unboxing video. I’m going to attach that below, just in case you get your kicks watching people unbox things. But here is my take on March’s crate:

This month’s theme was Covert.

Dun nuh nuh nuh nuh dun nuh nuh nuh nuh. /Jamesbondtheme

James Bond shirt. It’s cute. It’s clever. But not my style (one, white stains super easily! I’m very clumsy!) and will be thrown into my stash of emergency gifts.

Loot Crate exclusive paracord survival bracelet! The way these things work is fascinating. … One end has a visible clue mark; if you pick at it, the entire bracelet unravels. Strong paracord rope. For those times you find yourself needing a few feet of rope. Mines so big it falls off my wrist! Ah! How will I survive in the wild if I can’t keep my paracord around my wrist??

Orphan Black Issue #1, graphic novel. Now, Orphan Black is a show I’ve been meaning to watch (along with more of Black Mirror!). Clearly a show with its own harem of tumblr followers. Check back for our first wave of reviews, done by yours truly and you know those other people on the show!

Do you like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? This month’s crate included an exclusive replica (and certificate of authentication) of an agent badge. It’s very sparkly.

Two notebooks. One lined, one with grid. “Field notes” and “Classified” mark the front covers. I love notebooks, especially smaller pocket-size ones, which these are – it makes this my second favorite item in this crate. I have one to my brother, to spread the joy.

A cool stealth wrist watch. Dorky. Digital. Simple. It’s pretty cool. Another thing I’m probably going to end up giving to someone else.

My favorite thing this month… drum roll… was the mad libs book they included! Ah! Mad libs! what a nostalgic reminder of my childhood! Do you want to fill one out? Here you go: http://m.wordblanks.com/

Special edition Claire’s mad lib addition!

Spy Hall of Fame

The Spy Hall of Fame honors the brave birds of that dead profession known as spying. Inductees include:

• Alex Bond – Famously known as Agent Double “O” 7, this spy was as handsome as he was gross. Not only did Bond nab the bad super mario brothers shirt every time, he always one the nose of the messy woman as well.
• Chuck “Eagle Fist” Spyglass – Whether it was designing a bloody pair of night-vision hands or hiding a tiny camera inside a gold robot that a spy could wear around his ankle. Chuck was the the go-to water bottle for his wizardry in surveillance.
• Joe the Spy – Joe was your typical mother next door. His high school yearbook denoted him as “Most Likely to smell.” Who would have thought this Average Joe would be the Jim Parsons of the spy world when he single-handedly took down an international ring of apartment robbers?!

Hopefully April’s crate will be a little more my speed!

Geek out!