At 9:50 p.m., Oct 2. I sat on my couch with Genius lyrics pulled up on my laptop, ready to listen to “The Life of a Showgirl” by Taylor Swift for the first time. At 10 p.m. I clicked play, not knowing that I would not be left feeling like a showgirl at the end of the 41 minute album.

Everything felt fine… at first

The first quarter of this album (using football terminology feels appropriate) felt like the start to a true showgirl’s return to pop. Track one, “The Fate Of Ophelia,” had me moving like that dancing meme of Anthony Mackie. That was a true pop song. My head continued to bop as, “Elizabeth Taylor,” played, but slightly less. The dramatics of the chorus kind of lost me, although lyrics like, “Be my NY when Hollywood hates me,” felt very authentic to Taylor. My spirits picked up briefly with track three, “Opalite,” a peppy love track about creating our own happiness, “You had to make your own sunshine. But now, the sky is opalite.”

I was not prepared for what came next. All the way up till track 11, “Honey“, I sat, clutching my pearls to my chest as I heard the most explicit, cringe-like lyrics I have ever heard from Swift to date.

Tracks that didn’t take me to New Heights

“I can make deals with the devil because my dick’s bigger,” my jaw most certainly dropped when I heard these lyrics from, “Father Figure,” a track about the mentor/protege dynamic within the music business. My first thought was Olivia Rodrigo sitting at home, listening, and quoting Maddy from Euphoria, “Is this fucking play about us?”

Next, is “Eldest Daughter,” where lyrically, I became lost.

“Everybody’s so punk on the internet.”

“But I’m not a Bad Bitch, and this isn’t savage.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. Even as a swiftie, I could never defend her from these lyrics.

Halfway through the album we get a leftover “Fearless” vault track sounding song, “Ruin The Friendship.” It felt unnecessary on this album, and out of place. Next, we are at the track that you all clicked on this K-UTE album review for- “Actually Romantic.”

I felt like a mother watching her daughter get into a fight with her friend, that I always felt like was a good influence on her. In this scenario, Taylor Swift is the daughter and Charli xcx is the good influence friend. You may say, why would you equate Charli xcx as the good influence on Taylor when she’s such a party girl?

Charli xcx is a good influence to all pop girls for how to write a proper, “diss track.” I use the term diss track loosely, because tracks under this category like “Girl, so confusing,” and “Sympathy is a Knife,” paint a more accurate portrait of the competition within fame: insecurity.

If this track truly is a response to Charli xcx, it is unbelievably weak in comparison.

“I heard you call me “Boring Barbie” when the coke’s got you brave.”

*clutching my pearls*

“All the effort you’ve put in. It’s actually romantic.”

Moving on to “Wi$h Li$t.” This track made no sense to me. In this track Swift explains how everyone else wants material items and wealth, but she (the billionaire) only wants Travis Kelce. I just don’t get it. I sat here reflecting on the love songs she used to write, full of humanity and honesty, and I wondered how we got here.

“Wood,” was a track worth remembering, but somehow I wanted to forget it. A song about Travis Kelce’s redwood tree-

“Redwood tree, it ain’t hard to see. His love was the key that opened my thighs.”

Once again, I wondered how we got there, what happened to the lyricism we saw from Swift with love tracks, “invisible string,” “Sweet Nothing,” and “Lover.” This track felt like a failed attempt at Sabrina Carpenter‘s sexy, flirty songwriting that just doesn’t suit her. I love the songs where Taylor explores sexuality like, “Dress,” and “I Can See You,” but this was a miss for me.

“CANCELLED!” track 10, was honestly just what I expected, based off of the title. The song told the public that no, she is not going to drop Blake Lively  or any of her other friends because she, “likes her friends cancelled.” This song felt like it was made with the intent to be in a BookTok edit.

The final bow

Track 11, “Honey,” is where I felt like I could finally come up for air. I wasn’t blown away by anything necessarily in this track, but it felt better than disappointing six track stretch I had just experienced.

As we come to a close with track 12, “The Life of a Showgirl,” I will say my heart softened a little. Although I don’t think the track is one that I will listen to often, it is one that felt like a decent close to this album. The last few seconds, where she rolled the ending concert audio, I was taken back to my magical night at the Eras Tour with Swift.

This album was supposed to pay homage to the legendary experience that was the Eras Tour. As someone that witnessed the tour, (it was rare, I was there) it did not honor the tour in any real way.

Sincerely,

Taylor’s biggest fan